I want to make a zoo with you.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Randomize