in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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