Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
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