Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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