I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
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