Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize