you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
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