All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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