do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize