It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
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