if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
he shaved USA in his pubs
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize