well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
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Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
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The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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