WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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