you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
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Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
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he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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