i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
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I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
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Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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