did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
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