Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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