It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I need moral support for this bender
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
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