I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's blow job season.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
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