Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
We're too hungover to prance.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
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