you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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