How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize