Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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