Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize