your room smells of hookers.
And success
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
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