At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
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She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
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He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
I did not marry a roomba.
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