He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize