he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
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I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
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We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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