Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
My dad just said "fuck circus"
We need to get me chipped asap
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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