i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
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At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
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I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
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