So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
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That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
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I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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