Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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