does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
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