I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
okay pat passed out under dana's car
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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