Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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