OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
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