That's intense
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
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