WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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