im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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