I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize