Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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