Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Randomize