But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize