i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Found the puke drawer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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