Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
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Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
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He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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