You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
i think i have herpe
just one?
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
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I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
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I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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