party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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