You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
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Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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