He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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