he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
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I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
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It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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