I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
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Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
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I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
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