is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize