Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
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I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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